till here, we meet again. ahaha kan aku sudah bilang, blog ini dianaktirikan! T____T
maafkan aku, wahai inche blogger. sudah ketidakcapaian laman waktu untuk menghapdatekan awak dengan cerita terbaharu.
ahha, this time will be focused on 'part of.....'
actually, part of... can be defined in so many ways. as i thought earlier, there are much much more stories that were built in this phrase- part of.... , as for me.
nevertheless, it's
and for that, I'd blame me myself. why should I? and what should be blame on? these are the questions that will always flying here and there-everywhere in my mind not less than a five second in time. then, it will repeat itself once and over again for the next becoming seconds of my thought. until I'd ignored it automatically.
it ain't easy to discover which part do it refer most, for me. but surely i will focus on this one point back and forth every time I'm having this thought - which is environment.this is the main influence, compared to others. Instead of niat, to do something as we humans, usually will depend on something:- to give we courage, support and love, which to go on with anything that we plan to.
i had my mind to think like that. always. i dunno why, but deep in my heart i know me is that type of human. me need to get that 'something'. me not a person who can stand firmly on one leg without anything to hold on. me is like that. my bad. but that is the real me.
i dunno how to make everything better as i was all alone facing that and that and that and....... i'm making it clear then. i can't stand alone. T___T
but that was my condition for this few sick months. fighting all alone. ahhhh, it's so bad that sometimes i
instead of all that, HE 's still there. for every minutes i lost, HE 's there to guide me back. HE's there to consult me back. HE's there to teach me. like the phrase i encountered past few hours,
'sometimes when we're not going on something very well, and we were searching where HE is, just remember: Teacher is always quiet during exams.
mashaALLAH, that's stabbing me inside. deep inside to my tiny heart. HE is always there. and HE always provides us with all that we need and want, just too early or late. shame on me.
sometimes i didn't being grateful enough for all the nikmat HE was and still giving me. astagfirullah. T__T
we humans always overlooked on the positive side but rather taking the negative side. so am I.
despite on that, i always have the chance. as long as i heading to straight part, yup? but, deep in my heart, am still not strong enough to leave behind everything that i was living with. now and back. and maybe for future too. it's not that i don't want to, i just dunno how. every single things in this world need a guidelines to start over with, and to refer continuously as anything could pop-up later in time. so am i. I'm basically a weak human, a weak girl, a lost girl who need to be guide.
as time flies, this thing- part of... would never dare to leave my mind and my heart away. since before. it's qada and qadar for me maybe, just i dunno how to make it becoming a real stand in my life, and to burst it out in order to create a new way of life. towards the way it should.
this maybe a
yesterday is a past, yet I'd regretted it.
today is present, i still dunno if i could call it a day or not.
tomorrow is a future, i pray for a miracle to happen.
maybe someday i will get the very 'some people' to be with me come hell or high water.
even if i forgot who they are sometimes.
even if i forgot how to be 'close' with them, in all time being.
even if i forgot i should contact them always.
I'm a human. basically who does forget so many things.
I'm so sorry if i had it done on you, whoever you are.
and may ALLAH answer my prayer. maybe sooner or later.
my language is so berkarat dah.
but i think i made it clear already.
it's just a bunch of my emotions
that really drive me crazy in
most of the time.
it's part of....
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